I am sharing a true story of one of my colleagues in one of the top Indian IT company. He holds an MBA from a top-notch college and has more than 11 years of rich experience in IT and other fields. He earns a very good package and so his wife, working in a competitor IT company. He is smart, handsome and no major health issues. His family life is good, lives happily with wife and parents, in a furnished apartment in a metro city. Now, saying all this, everyone would think what a lucky guy. Everyone thinks he is well settled, so he must be enjoying his life without any worries. But really? Is that true?
I got a chance to be friends with him since we both were working for same project but different module. As a person, he is quite open, friendly and helpful. We used to go for lunch together, and that’s where we used to chat about our personal lives, little bit politics and some other usual stuff. And here is when I learned something new about him.
I have often experienced that in most of the cases, a person looks happy and joyful only until you know him personally in detail. This case was no different. At the outset, as I mentioned before, he looked very happy but very soon I came to know he is not feeling happy at all in his current job. I was bit surprised, not just because he always looked happier but more because I knew that the project he is working in was quite good, as we both worked in same project. And the company we worked for and his salary package were already good. When I tried to know in detail about the exact reason of his dislike, I was even more surprised. And the reason he told me was that two of his friends have made a switch in their jobs and they have got a salary hike. Now he felt bad, inferior, jealous or whatever that he is left behind. And this constant negative feeling was causing him even more negativity and irritation towards his current job. And this loop went on. Well, we had detailed discussions on this topic and I hope I was able to bring little change in his perspective but from his talks, I observed a common pattern in human psychology.
What I observed was that even if we have enough to happily sustain our lives, we find someone in our social/corporate groups having more than us and start comparing ourselves with them and start worrying. And if we are on top in our group(s), we feel we are in wrong place and not growing. And then consistently keep looking for richer social groups for better society validation until we start feeling negative again. This loop goes on and we never feel happy. How can we handle this?
What I have learnt from books, talks and my own experience is that we should always avoid comparing ourselves with others, instead should compare ourselves only with our yesterday version. Always feel thankful and gratitude for whatever we have. It doesn't mean not to have aspirations. Having aspirations is a
good thing but only when you want it yourself , and not because others have achieved
it or you have to prove your worth to someone. Analyze your own life, see what is important for you. Accordingly, set your own priorities and your own growth plan. You may need to revise them as life doesn't always remain the same. Learn/get inspired from others, but don’t copy them because everyone's life and circumstances are different. Understand your own life and once you chart out plans and make decisions for yourself, be confident about them. Respect your individuality !
I came across a very interesting video from IIM Bangalore on Youtube, related to this topic. Its about an hour long video but very meaningful. Do watch it !
Please do comment what you feel about this and if you have had similar experiences. Thank you.